NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize