I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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