I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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