yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
