See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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