Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
