2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
