So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
