I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
