they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
