Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
