I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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