Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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