last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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