I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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