Can i not drive my cunt home
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
