so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
