You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
