is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
