After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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