so that wasnt chicken after all
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
