HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
