Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you inspire me to be a worse person
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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