Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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