I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize