omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My bed smells like the plague
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