I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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