I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
