i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
