Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
