it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
