dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
