Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
