I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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