As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
