Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize