just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
