i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
