Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
