The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
