remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
