This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
