I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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