She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
