so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize