I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize