yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Vodka?
Forever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize