so explain again why im purple
no
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
