I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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