The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
