I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
