eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
