so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
