Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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