yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
