I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
