I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
