i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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