our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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