Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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