kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
