I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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