I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
