Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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