just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
