also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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