porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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