I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
