One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
