Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
