I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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